Emotional Intelligence plays a key role in maintaining the couple. Every emotion has at its root an impulse toward action, and effectively manage these impulses is basic. Paradoxically, this may be particularly difficult in a relationship where there is so much at stake. The reactions involved here reach some of our deepest needs and the fact to be loved or feel respected. The fear of abandonment or being deprived emotionally is evident in this facet of our lives. It is not surprising that during a marital discord act as if our very survival at stake.
About 50% of marriages end in divorce when spouses find sadly have not been married to the person they thought. Within the first year of marriage come to light inconsistencies and individual problems Emotional Intelligence, and many couples, do not know how to address these problems.
The act of falling in love
Falling in love is a feeling that arises spontaneously and with great intensity, is that “strange feeling” as some call it, which is maintained for a time and then decreases. In some cases, it disappears and other is transformed into love.
For two people to fall in love should be given certain circumstances such as physical attraction, which complement intellectually, a certain degree of emotional intimacy, closeness and desire to be together, among others. However, where these conditions and not necessarily people fall in love anyway they are met.
Falling in love is a very intense emotional experience that leads people to engage in a very profound way. Generally this feeling is observed during adolescence and youth, but some people repeat the same pattern of behavior during throughout his life, in which all the thoughts and ideas that have other positive, idealized and sometimes almost irrational.
At this stage, both members of the couple are extremely tolerant with each other, and in this way to maintain the intensity of the infatuation. Any drawback, however serious it may be, is not given importance because what matters is the desire of being in love and wanting another. A kind of sense of protection, based on the deep conviction “believes know” what is best for the other is experienced.
Those in the period of infatuation have ideals that are almost always impossible to achieve, because they begin to imagine a number of situations with your partner that are usually not real. Such as “always be for each other”, “he / she will change thanks to my love”, “the two are as one” and so many thoughts go through the minds of each and then, to face reality, rarely can perform.
Thus, infatuation promotes and facilitates the formation of the couple, but ultimately not all so “perfect.” Both men and women feel unconscious impulses emitted signals (gestures, looks, smiles, etc.) that cause instant reactions in both. It is defined as love chemistry.
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The importance of courtship
Once people decide to pair with lasting intention, they started what we call the “dating stage” which is just a test to measure how compatible or not and what are the differences or similarities that unite are two people, among other things. Inclusive are measured to the degree of complementarity of both families, by that which to marry or join your partner, do also his family.
During this period, the couple expressed common interests and expectations for the future are made and even when not set what is adequate to maintain a courtship time, it has been determined that marriages whose partners had a short courtship time, are more likely to failure. Not so the marriages in which the couple had more time to meet in the honeymoon stage. However, the important thing at this stage is not only love the person but also stick with it a high level of communication that allows us to know who she is and if it fits what we want and need as a couple.
Choose a person and make a life together is one of the most important decisions in the life of all. That is why, although we fell in love and we love our partner, we must also streamline if it fits what we want and we have raised about how it should be the person to accompany us in the arduous task of consolidating a family.
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We speak of marriage but it also refers to couples who live together without being married. Moreover, in either case it requires a lot of skill to manage emotions and overcome the different stages of life. It is not easy to unite two people who are completely different, raised with different values, ideals and attitudes, and get a healthy, long and lasting coexistence. One of the main aspects needed for a relationship or marriage is maintained, the predisposition. Having the real intention and desire to want to be happy and well delight our partner.
A prerequisite for a marriage work long-term aspect is empathy. Knowing step into the shoes of the other before making judgments or accusations is an act of emotional intelligence key to a healthy marriage. If, for example, the spouse comes home with stress and anxiety from work, or conversely, if you were tired of spending too much time dealing with parenting, it would be illogical to add fuel to the fire beginning discussions or verbalizing complaints about their behavior. An empathetic attitude would ask if you want to speak and offer the opportunity to have their own space for a few moments. If you decide you want to talk, it is best to listen and give positive opinions rather than judgmental.
On the other hand, a good basis for that harmony reigns in marriage is companionship. People have different ways to live and express, in addition to different needs related to, but marriage generally produces a heightened feeling about it. The partnership involves the sense of personal limits itself to what extent one wishes to open up to someone and incorporate it into his private life and his emotions. It also reflects the point at which someone may feel you are losing your own identity or is being overshadowed by the other. This obviously is a very personal matter. Therefore, when two people do not realize that they are very different from each other in this section, one can begin to feel suffocated and oppressed, while the other may feel alone, abandoned or unloved.
Separation and divorce
Unfortunately, separation and divorce are alternatives, which can pass any partner at any given moment of his life. Unfortunately, there are circumstances that sometimes, beyond the emotional and rational control of the spouses and the separation and / or divorce, become tools that can prevent a greater evil.
Experience shows that one of the first grounds for divorce that arises is that the couple was not well known before marriage. Many times the bride and groom during the premarital stage, trying to make him see the other party that they are like that supposed to be the couple; and are not shown as they really are. In short, engagements, couples do not have real-time to meet and when they marry may find that they have done with a partner who is far from the ideal that had as it should be your spouse.
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Most divorces are preceded by months or even years of disputes, insults, indifference, fights, disappointments and frustrations. In a first couples they begin with mutual provocations with treatment and hostile vocabulary and episodes of screaming and verbal or even physical abuse.
Thus, the intensity of the emotions, pain, offenses, resentment and other feelings cause profound damage in the difficult partner to recover. On the other hand, if it is not enough emotional intelligence, the victimization of children caught up in the “marital battle,” produces psychological damage in the minds of children , because children are frightened by the scenes, not knowing what to do and They are confused, helpless and saddened by the lack of parental control. In addition, parents tend to ask solidarity to the children (every man for himself) serious conflicts of decision.
Subsequently, if the pair fails to manage conflict and begin a divorce, starting a period of confrontation for various reasons, whether out of spite, anger or division of marital property. At this stage the hostility, the desire to damage each other intensifies. Surge hatred, bitterness and sometimes even the desire for revenge.
The main problem faced by children when separation or divorce arises, is that parents incur a series of totally incorrect behavior towards them. Parents should never put children as “spies” to inform them what they are doing the other spouse, or “messengers” to communicate. Nor should present aggressive reactions against their children to take revenge on the couple, or threaten the spouse in the sense that if they divorce would do tremendous damage to the children to try to prevent separation. The consequences of inappropriate behavior when divorcing parents can cause anxiety, fear, insecurity, ambivalence and different behavioral disorders. So if a couple is in divorce proceedings, you should consider:
- The problem is with your partner, never with our children.
- The only way our children do not suffer during separation or divorce is that as parents we are fully aware that we must clearly explain the situation to them and tell them that whatever decision they make, both spouses continue loving them and helping them.
- If there is no choice but to divorce, it is always preferable to a conflict, for the welfare and safety of children and the couple themselves amicable split.
- We must make great efforts to overcome bitterness and anger, but it is essential for the good of all.
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